Friday, April 27, 2007


The carpet is laid and it looks great. It took them two days to lay it though. I was ready for them to be done so I could have my house back.

We signed with a home study agency. We have our first visit Tuesday. That is soon, but we are anxious and nervous because she will be here for a few hours. We have some things to do around the house though to get ready. Everyone has told me not to make our house perfect because then they will not be able to see how a child could live here. We at least have to clean and move the rest of the stuff upstairs. She will look around the house, but we she mostly comes to talk to us. She will also be giving us a page of all the documents we need to get for the next visit. Sounds like I will have a lot to do, but that is okay because staying busy keeps me distracted.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

A different path

Are you wondering how the MAPP classes went? Well, they didn't go as we would have hoped. We were at the class all day on Saturday and we left there pretty discouraged and upset. I won't go into lengthy detail as to why, but we just decided its not for us. Being that we basically just want to adopt and not to "foster", it's not the best situation to put ourselves in. We think it will result in too much heartache. So we came home after the class and talked and I stayed up till 2am that night researching everything possible with adoption. Then we decided that we are going to take a different path with this. We have decided to adopt internationally from Russia. We both agreed on this and we are once again excited because we are moving towards something again. This will be a very consuming process as all international adoptions are, but it will keep us busy. We will mail out the application for the homestudy tomorrow and hopefully have decided on an agency by the end of the weekend. We are VERY ready for this new journey!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Past few days

The past few days I have been very frustrated. I think the excitement has left for awhile. Now that the classes start tomorrow, it's all starting to sink in. I am just frustrated that we have to go through all this. We got a letter of 15 things we need to have ready before the homestudy. Once they start the homestudy, it will be a minimum of 90 days before we will be licensed. That means another summer without a baby. One of the things we have to do is fill out a profile application for each of us. We each have to fill out 16 pages of every kind of question you can imagine. An example is "Who taught you about sex and how?" Please tell me how that is going to reflect the way I will raise and love a child. Another question, "Are you and your spouse sexually compatible?" That really is none of their business. It's not like that is something we will sit and talk with our kids about. I just feel like the whole thing is an invasion of privacy. I understand them wanting to make sure we are not crazy or will hurt these children, but there has to be a limit. Everyone who gets pregnant does not have to go through all this. If they did, about 40% of the world would not be qualified to have a baby. It's like they are judging us on everything you do and we find ourselves being paranoid about EVERYTHING.

The whole adoption or foster/adoption industry is bullshit most of the time. They break us down (as if we weren't already). The costs for everything are ridiculous. How are average people supposed to afford it all. And most time they don't put the needs of the children first. If they did, there wouldn't be so many children out there in the system. I feel like no matter what path we go down, there are going to be roadblocks and bumps the whole way. Maybe we were sent down this path for a reason, but everyday I ask what that reason is. I often wonder if I have done something in my past to have deserved this, but I can't come up with anything that should result in this type of punishment.

I just wish others would realize what a blessing and miracle it is to be able to have a child. We know several friends and family who completely take their children for granted and only dote on them when it's convenient. Situations like this are starting to affect me more now then ever. They have experienced things we will never get the chance to do. We will never know what it's like to feel the baby kick, to see the baby move on the sonogram, to hear the heartbeat, the anticipation of finding out the sex, to hear that first scream when you give birth, to hold that baby for the very first time. And most importantly, we will never know what a child created by the both of us will look like. Who's nose, eyes, hair, personality, feet will he/she have?

MAPP Classes

They start tomorrow. I am anxious to start them and get them over with. But what on earth can they talk about for 26 hours. These are when we have classes:
Sat 4/14: 9a-4p
Mon 4/16: 6:30p-9:30p
Thurs 4/19: 6:30p-9:30p
Sat 4/21: 9a-4p
Mon 4/23: 6:30p-9:30p
Thurs 4/26: 6:30p-9:30p

It will be a busy few weeks. We will let you know how tomorrow goes.

P.S. We are finally having carpet laid Wednesday, but we still have so much to get done before then. I can't wait.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007


Most people don't know what to say to people who are in our situation, but I found this on another blog and had to agree with her. I was actually able to laugh at it :

Top 10 things that have not helped us in having a baby...

10. Sex
9. Reading books about how to have a baby
8. Non-doubling HCG numbers
7. Crying, bargaining and begging
6. Pillows under butt
5. Being asked "When are you going to have a baby?"
4. Doctors
3. BBT (basal thermometer) or OPK (ovulation prediction kit)
2. Holding other people's babies

Monday, April 2, 2007

A few updates

1. Our MAPP classes have been pushed back a week. They will now start on April 14th. I am very anxious to start them since nothing else can get done till we take those classes.

2. We finally went to pick out carpet for the upstairs this past week and ordered it. Now we have to wait for it to come in before we can figure out a date to have it laid. I can't wait.

3. During my sister's spring break she stayed with us for half of it. I took her to Islands of Adventures and we had a great time. The weather wasn't so great, but it wasn't packed and the longest line we waited in was only 30 minutes.

4. The trim is finally done. I know Shane is glad. He has busted his butt on it and it has been a lot of work, but it looks great. The upstairs is starting to come together though there is still so much to do.