I can't thank you enough for your support, encouraging words and advice. It is also comforting to know that I am not the only one out there feeling like this or dealing with this. Mom, I especially thank you for your comments. That and your support means more to me than you could imagine. Writing that post yesterday was so unbelievably hard for me. It was almost like admitting you have been defeated and feeling ashamed of it. I had wanted to write it for weeks, but yesterday, the weight of everything just broke me. I try to be so strong, but I am a very emotional person, so it doesn't last long. We all (at least I did) have this fantasy of a happy, well-behaved child and when the reality sets in, it's like a slap in the face. Let me start by saying, I in NO WAY thought being a mother or raising a child would be an easy job. I know it's the hardest job I will ever have. I just want to be a good mom and do everything in my power to make my son a good person and give him the life he would not of had otherwise. Having a child that had no attention, affection or love for the first 15 months of his life is a challenge. I don't think it's possible to love anyone more than I love
Bryson, he just has to learn that. I also know that in time he will learn that I will NEVER leave him. I will be there to pick him up when he falls. I will be there when he is sick and nurse him back to health. I will be there when he needs to talk or gets his heart broken. Hell, I will even be there to wipe his butt when he's 20 if he needs me to (totally just joking). I know that almost 15 weeks ago his world was flipped completely upside down. Being a new parent is hard and it's an adjustment. I have lots of experience with other children, but none of that could have
prepared me for the real thing. Those who don't know us think I have been
Bryson's mommy for 18 months, but in reality, I have only been his mom for 15 weeks. I'm still new to this.
One thing I didn't elaborate on in the last post is the medical issues we have been battling with lately. Since we have gotten home,
Bryson has had a very swollen stomach and it has only gotten worse. Some days his skin and stomach is tighter than others. Quite often he seems like his stomach makes him uncomfortable. The doctors at first thought it was due to the
giardia or the chronic
diarrhea, neither of which he has anymore, so that has been ruled out. I then thought it might be due to the Rickets, but that specialist said no. Now he has developed a lot of gas and when we saw the GI specialist on Tuesday she said neither of these were normal. She said it is possible that the
giardia has caused him to be lactose intolerant, so we are to give him NO dairy at all (we had been giving him very little dairy till now). She also felt his stomach and noticed his liver was enlarged which concerned her. So now she wants to do more testing to find the source of all this. This is more testing and doctor visits that I stress about putting
Bryson through. How much can he take because I know it's a lot for me to handle.
I think it's a combination of problems and I know we will work through it all. It's just some days are hard. Now I leave you with the reason I want to be the best mommy that I can be:
3 comments:
Marie,
You are the best mom and Bryson will realize that one day. You know I have 3 kids and it's hard. I don't know how I do it sometimes but I wouldn't trade it for the world. You never realize how much your life will change with kids and then dealing with when they are sick and you can't figure out what is wrong. That is the hardest. I think I saw the doctor more with Madison and it was hard when she saw that room she would just scream and I felt horrible but I knew that we were there to make her better or try to find out why she was sick. Being in the hospital for a week with her when she was a baby. It's hard watching your baby being poked with needles and things (machines) attached to them. But in the end it made them better or gave you the answeres you needed.
All you can do is take it one day at a time and lean on your family and friends. I will always be here for you and I'm always willing to help you even if it's just coming over to sit with you. I knew from the beginning that you would be an awesome mom! Because you are an awesome best friends It will get easier. But I am here for you on those days you just need someone to lean on.
I love ya! Give Bryson a kiss for me! I have him posted at work and on the fridge and I just smile when I see his picture.
Love,
Michele
Marie,
You are doing a great job & with all the unexpected. Things will improve. This little guy has been through so much change in the past few months, he probably doesn't understand it any better than you do. I am sure he knows you love him very much & will realize that more as he grows up. I am praying that the tests are helpful & that it isn't anything too serious. We are all here for you, you just need to let us know. Unfortunately I have a bit of Grampy's old fashioness & am not really into these blogs, so I don't look too much. I apologize.
Aunt Candy
I hope everything goes well with these new set of tests. It's very difficult to know something is medically wrong with your son and not being able to figure out what it is.
I also wanted to add that everyone told me that I would go through a change with my son every six months. I laughed at them thinking "ya, right." Well you know what? It's true. It seems like every six months we have a break through. Things get better. He does revert back sometimes, but the severity and length of time are getting smaller.
Hange in there and keep us posted. Hope all is well!!
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